At the end of
this school year there were suddenly two high school students in my house. Anya
finished middle school and in September will be a freshman in high school.
Middle school can
be tough. Kids do a lot of growing up and changing and that can mean that
friendships that were once important become, well, less so. As they mature and
explore new interests and begin to lose passion for others, friends in 8th
grade can suddenly find that they have little in common. And that doesn’t have
to mean the end of a friendship but sometimes it is anyway. Trouble is, your
average 14 year old does not approach this situation with calm reflection.
(Really, do we at any age?) Friendship is emotion, and so is adolescence.
When I went to
high school I held on to my middle school friends for a little while, but I was
quickly preoccupied with new people and new interests. I never had a fight with
my friends, never called them names or passed them “break-up” notes, but one
day looked up and they weren’t there and it didn’t upset me. When I ran into
them later it was always pleasant, and I even enjoy catching up with them now
on Facebook. I grew in different ways than they did.
This phenomenon
has happened a few times in my life. When I went to graduate school I lost
touch with a few of my working friends. When I became a Mom I felt some of my
single friends fall away. Even my relationship with my siblings has morphed
over time, depending on where we each were in our pursuit of happiness.
So, my 8th
grader, now 9th grader, is exploring new friendships, strengthening
the bond with some, loosening the bond with others. And though there have been
some painful moments and some mis-steps, I think its all good.
I was thinking of
this change in her life as we held our annual school work burning last night. We
mark the end of the year with hope for the next. This year’s fire burned off
some hard feelings and sadness and hopefully cleared the way for a joyous high
school experience.
