August

August is a tricky month.

I celebrate my wedding anniversary to a man I am still hopelessly enamored of. I spend the month excitedly gearing up for a new group of students. My girls prepare for a new year of learning and reconnecting with school friends. Yet, still it’s summer and we can stay in bed a little later and hit the beach or lounge all day reading. August has it all.

But August is now also a month of loss. My Dad spent the last three weeks of August dying in the hospital, finally succumbing on September 2, 2010. And last August, my Mom died. I brought her to the doctor on August 3^rd, then to the emergency room on August 4^th. We took her home from the hospital on August 6^th so she could die in the house her sweetheart built for her. She died one year ago today.

This morning though, as I think about Mom I’m not just thinking about loss. I’m mostly thinking about everything Mom gave me. She taught me how to be a mother to these wonderful girls of mine. She showed me strength in the face of pain. She showed me what a marriage could be. She modeled patience and acceptance of the variety of personalities I live with in the classroom every day (since she showed it to all of us kids).

I feel like I should hate August. But I don’t. Mom helped me get everything I need to balance this month between the joy and sorrow. And today, for her, I’m going to try to weight the joy more.

I miss you, Mom. Thanks for everything, even August.