Lonely
GO
You know how sometimes it seems like the whole world is in sync.
Like the way it’s raining today. Or the fact that the Five Minute Friday word
prompt is “Lonely.”
Today is the one year anniversary of my mother’s death and I
have been lonely often this year. How do you learn to be in the world without a
mother? I know I’m fortunate that I had her for 43 years. I’m even more
fortunate than my brothers and sisters because I remember (at least a little
bit) having her all to my self for a whole year when they all went to school
and I was the only one left at home with her. I remember going with her to the
Pewter Pot for lunch with a friend or with Nana. We went to Nana’s house and
visited Aunt Nora and ran errands. We hung around the house and she sewed and
made bread.
And for the last few years of her life I drove her to work
and to errands (yes, she was 80 and she worked part time for my sister). I took
her to doctor appointments and got to know her medical history as I had never
known it before. And I saw my Mom one on one as I guess I hadn’t done since
that year before I started school.
And every time something comes up with my growing into
teenage girls (ages 12 and 14) I think in my head which questions to ask Mom
about it, or how I’m going to explain this latest thing to her next time I pick
her up. But I’m never going to pick her up again and the loneliness is so
intense I’m sure there’s a gray cloud around me that everyone can see.
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That is so hard. I can't imagine losing my mom. I am so glad that you got to spend so much one-on-one time with her in her last years. Thanks for sharing so vulnerably.
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