Here's my contribution to the Five Minute Friday fun hosted by Lisa-Jo Baker.
You know how sometimes it seems like the whole world is in sync. Like the way it’s raining today. Or the fact that the Five Minute Friday word prompt is “Lonely.”
Today is the one year anniversary of my mother’s death and I have been lonely often this year. How do you learn to be in the world without a mother? I know I’m fortunate that I had her for 43 years. I’m even more fortunate than my brothers and sisters because I remember (at least a little bit) having her all to my self for a whole year when they all went to school and I was the only one left at home with her. I remember going with her to the Pewter Pot for lunch with a friend or with Nana. We went to Nana’s house and visited Aunt Nora and ran errands. We hung around the house and she sewed and made bread.
And for the last few years of her life I drove her to work and to errands (yes, she was 80 and she worked part time for my sister). I took her to doctor appointments and got to know her medical history as I had never known it before. And I saw my Mom one on one as I guess I hadn’t done since that year before I started school.
And every time something comes up with my growing into teenage girls (ages 12 and 14) I think in my head which questions to ask Mom about it, or how I’m going to explain this latest thing to her next time I pick her up. But I’m never going to pick her up again and the loneliness is so intense I’m sure there’s a gray cloud around me that everyone can see.