Tuesday, January 1, 2013

New calendar

In 2013, I have no parents.
I remember as we were just approaching the year 2011, many in my family were looking forward to a new year. In 2010, we had lost a cousin, two uncles, and aunt and my Dad. That meant that one group of cousins lost their brother and both parents. So, it seemed logical that many looked forward to a new year with less pain.

But 2010 was the last year I had a father, and I did not want the calendar to turn. I wanted to hold on to my life with a living father.

2012 was my last year with a living mother and I am feeling the same backward pull. I am not ready to enter a year in which I am parentless, motherless. I look back on a family calendar peppered with dates with Mom – Mom to doctor, drive Mom to work, Mom to Foxwoods. Mom will never be on another calendar of mine; she’ll never be anywhere in the physical world. How can I just toss that calendar out?

My 2013 calendar includes “Mom’s Birthday” on January 5, and no other entry for Mom. But, here are some of the things it does include:
“Back to school” – this is on January’s page much earlier than last year, since I am back at elementary school. I look forward to a challenging and exciting year as a grade 2 ELL teacher.
“Greg to China” – My husband continues in his job, which regularly brings him to China, Australia, Mexico. The job interests and challenges him as well as supports our family finances.
“Concert” – both my girls participate in their middle school band and will perform later this month. I love listening to them practice at home, seeing them perform, and hearing them talk about music.
“Lamarre Family meeting” – as we navigate our new lives as adult orphans, my brothers and sisters and I have committed to making decisions together. No longer able to rely on Mom to connect us, we vow to stay connected. It’s not easy to find a time for 9 busy adults to meet, or for those 9 to come to agreement on much of anything, but we all agree that we are still a family and we want to keep it that way.

So, my calendar looks very different in 2013 without my weekly visits with Mom. But, it’s still filled with her. She showed me what a strong marriage looked like; she helped me to become a confident mother; she blessed me with a raucously big family; she taught me to prioritize joy.

Happy New Year everyone. I hope your mother fills your 2013 calendar with love.
Read more New Year posts by Slicers here


  1. Your post reminds me to treasure the days with my aging parents. Hoping your year brings many new memories.

  2. Laura,
    Your post is bittersweet. This longing for your parents, and yet the knowing that their marks will forever be with you. Thank you for writing.

  3. Thinking of you and realizing that filling the void my parents leave when they pass will be hard to take!
    Thanks for sharing your heart...and opening our eyes to savor and take in time that we still have if our parents are still living!